Steve Beirstat of Flatville, Indiana has penned his annual letter:

"Fuck-face, you still hunting fungus and writing about it? Get over yourself. Why don't you and that odd duck, the Rodfather you call him, go ahead and get gay-married? Get a real job. Get a life."

Thanks for checking in Steve. Hunting mushrooms and trout fishing are real life. See, it's all based on luck. Today Steve, I saw a young woman in the local Starbucks. She had a baby with her in one of those baby-carriers. (I don't know what they're called.) Her family was all around and, periodically, one of them would pull back the blanket and kiss that baby, or drag their noses across its face. I was trying not to pay any attention. But then, I looked into the baby carrier and saw that it was the most horrendous looking baby I'd ever seen. I know what you're thinking: that the baby will grow up and be decent looking. But Steve, there's no way. You'd have to have seen this thing's face. She looked like a cross between Sammy Davis and Garrison Keilor. But man, were those people loving on that baby. It's all about luck. So much of life is just dumb luck.